Introduction
At the age of fifty-seven, I was a divorced man who did not particularly like to spend the rest of his life. I decided to try online dating. I have always been a world traveler, and my two children have grown up, so I could go where the wind took me.
After some false launches, I found a beautiful woman in Thailand. She was a public relations manager and a psychologist at a government hospital. We exchanged emails and talked on Skype for six months. I made two trips to Thailand, and a year later we were married in a traditional Thai ceremony. I had to return to the United States, but my wife could not travel until she received a visa. So I flew back to Arkansas, where I worked as a database administrator and waited patiently for ten months.
Finally, her documents were approved, she underwent a physical examination and an interview, and she joined me in America. Although she traveled to other parts of the world, she was never in the United States. She experienced considerable cultural shock, but I helped her in difficult times, for example, when she failed her driving test twice.
Time zone strike
The first shock that my wife experienced was climate change and jet lag. After a long flight across the Pacific Ocean, delayed baggage, hours spent in the immigration queue, then another connecting flight to Arkansas, she was tired, and the cold November air in Los Angeles made her shiver. The difference in time zone between Thailand and the United States is twelve hours, so she spent the night without sleep and felt sleepy during the day.
Language strike
For forty years, she spoke only Thai. Her alphabet has 44 letters, 21 vowels and 5 tones. Every Thai child begins to learn Thai in elementary school. High school requires four years of English. But her study of English was limited to one hour a week, so she spoke only a few phrases and did not know the correct pronunciations. Also in her community, she spoke Isarn , a dialect of northeastern Thailand. She had little chance of speaking or practicing English in her early life. Fortunately, she was hired in an international hotel for several years, so she managed to practice English with her manager, who was from France. She also listened to English pop music and repeated the lyrics.
When she arrived in the USA, all the natives spoke too fast, and they used slang words that she had never heard before. Whenever she spoke to an American at a grocery store, restaurant or social setting with my family, she felt shy and embarrassed. In Thailand, she was a leader, a famous public speaker. Here she was a child. Her feelings were supposed to absorb all these new sounds. For a long time she experienced a loss of self-confidence and felt homesick.
Imagine that her sensitive ears heard something like this for the first time:
" Are you comfortable there? Do you want to go out and get a few things in the store? We have to do it. Hey, how are you? Do you guys understand all this? Okay-doky? "
Comfy? What is he talking about? You guys? I am a lady, not a boyfriend. I'm fine, I'm not an ass.
Every day she met more slang words and had to learn vocabulary words. What should she say when she was introduced to someone else? She did not know American culture. In America, people liked eye contact. In Thailand, people do not maintain eye contact for a long time. Americans like to touch. In her culture, she did not like it when someone touched her body. Every day she had to concentrate to try to continue the conversation. Simple things that people take for granted, she found a new one. Thailand uses the metric system. In the US, people use the British measurement system.
She often had to repeat what she said because people did not understand her.
Car shock
For her, it was a big shock. In Thailand, people drive on the left. She came to the United States, and everyone went the wrong way. Imagine her confusion. I bought her a car the day after she arrived and asked her to take the car home. She did not understand the rules about stop signs and about what the middle lane was for. There are no speed limits in Thailand. Therefore, she had to learn many signs. She felt nervous and embarrassed every time she rode. Several times she did a wrong turn. She wanted to make the right turn, but once she turned left. In America, everyone needs a car. She wondered how she would survive.
The license to issue a driver's license was twice violated. The first time she missed too many questions, and the computer did not allow her to return. She studied for a month. The second time she did better, but the questions were different. The third time she finally passed. She sat nervously with the officer on the road test.
He said, "Not bad, be careful with blind spots."
A week after she got her license, she happily went home when she was stopped by the police to speed up. Fortunately, the officer singer is her only warning.
She felt relieved! She thanked Buddha. After that, she followed the signs. American law seemed very strict. In Thailand, people negotiate with an officer.
Some examples of the embarrassment of street signs are:
Pedxing - what is it? Is it some kind of Indian name?
SET UP - what does it mean? Does it mean to go? If you stop someone screaming at you.
STOP - In Thailand, this is for pedestrians. Cars do not stop.
SCHOOL ZONE - Should we be calm?
CELEBRATION - We do not have this in Thailand. VIP or guest speaker?
Merge - A meeting? Rest zone?
4-STOP ITEM - Main Street is of paramount importance!
Food shock
My wife had problems when she ordered food at most restaurants. Ordering food was a real problem.
1. Order at the counter of the fast food restaurant. It seemed to her that she should overturn the server. In addition, she did not know what to pay before meals.
In Kentucky Fried Chicken, she wanted to order fried chicken. So the trick is, if you want your legs and hips to order Dark Meat, and if you want breasts and wings, you order White Meat. She needed legs, but ordered thighs. She thought that the leg is the thigh. For her, the leg is chicken feet.
The server asked: "Which side do you want?"
"What size? Small size because I don't eat too much. ”
"What kind?"
“I order 4 pieces. Small size.
“No, I mean the side. Which side do you want? ”
"What is your size?"
"Beans, corn, cabbage, mashed potatoes."
"Yes, corn."
"Corn on the cob or regular?"
What was she talking about now? Corn on the cup?
"Yes, I want corn on the cup." "Little Cup". Oh man. It is confusing.
A meal came in, cookies were included. My wife said, "I did not do this, I did not like it."
"It comes with food."
"OK." She ate thigh and corn on the cob.
In the fast food store, she wanted to order a French frieze. The server said they don't have it. French fries were on the menu photos.
They said, "We have potato fries."
It is the same? She needed to learn another term. She studied something every day.
2. Order "Autocafé", She had problems with travel. One day a store employee did not understand her pronunciation very well in English, so her daughter was hungry. She repeated herself five times without luck.
3. Order "in the restaurant." First, the server will offer a little drink, and then offer a complex menu. She did not understand all the menu items, but, fortunately, she liked to try new products. Once she ordered salmon with white wine. She was expecting a glass of white wine, but the wine was used to make salmon. Once she could not order alcohol, because the server did not believe that she was forty years old. All customers who like to order alcohol must present an ID. In Thailand, they never request an ID.
US custom is to include in the bill 10% of the tips. In Thailand, if you are not satisfied with the food, you are not a tip. In America, people usually talk about who will pay the bill. In Thailand, it is expected that the rich member will pay. If the group wants to discuss who will pay, it needs to be done before meals.
Weather and snow
My wife came from a land with a tropical climate. She has never experienced snow. What a surprise to move to Arkansas and wake up one morning and see a white blanket of snow covering everything. At least there were mild winters in Arkansas, in contrast to the cold North, where snow could cover the earth for months.
Our first winter was fun building a snowman and playing snowballs. But driving on icy roads was scary. Our house was located among steep hills, and sometimes I could not go to work for two or three days, until the trucks came with mud to break the ice.
She bought extra warm clothes, a heater, thick blankets, gloves and boots to survive in the winter.
Purchase
Shopping for clothes was a problem. Most Americans were bigger than my wife. She had to look in the teenage section to find a comparable size that fits. Sometimes she tried to order online, but the clothes that came were too large. She had to sew her outfits. So she no longer bought it online.
She saw a flea market sign in the city. She knew what flea meat was. But she wonders, why do people need fleas? For garden? In Thailand, people just kill them. She went inside and saw old things, clothes and trinkets. I explained that the flea market just sold small things.
Debit or credit and control accounts
Most Americans spend their money with a credit card or a debit card or check. In Thailand, most people pay in cash and wire money to bank accounts. My wife asked me why I did not give her the money. I gave her a debit card and explained that it is easier and safer to pay all the cards. So everywhere she went, she paid with a debit card. She felt excited to be able to buy almost everything with just a card. At the supermarket, the cashier asked her if she wanted to return the money. She said that I want to return the money to my account.
No! This means that people can receive cash from their account in the rack. In Thailand, people get cash only from an ATM.
One day she went to Auto café in the bank. She was amazed and confused. She expected to meet with an ATM and ask for help. Unfortunately, she went out into the street. In Thailand, they do not have Drive Through services, and she did not know how to drive a car. She saw a round cylinder in the tube. How do I open this thing? She thought it might be the same as ordering food when traveling. She communicated with the officer through the window through the speaker. She felt like a turtle. But the officer patiently explained how to drive the car, and she performed the first travel operation. I laughed when I heard this story.
Vending machines were another mystery in the first few months. The machine said, insert 4 quarters. What was the quarter? She needed to know the value of the coins. And the cars were also complicated. She had to learn how to use a washing machine, dryer, stove, fireplace, air conditioner, TV remote control, oven, dishwasher and recycling.
Shop in Grocery
Shopping was fun, but it was so hard to buy groceries. She needed to learn about many types of new products. When she lived alone in Thailand, she usually bought food from street vendors or ate in restaurants. Food was cheaper in Thailand. Now she needed to learn how to cook.
She liked eating healthy foods. She doesn't like junk food, sandwiches, hamburgers or pizza. She collected recipes and watched some cooking shows. I liked Thai food, so everything that she cooked, I ate and enjoyed.
She found Eastern markets and learned how to cook from her mother and sister on Skype and learned from the online food channel.
The cost of food in the US was so expensive. The prices beat her. For example, in Thailand, a bunch of bananas cost a quarter. In addition, she had a banana tree in her garden. In the eastern shop was almost four dollars. She did not want to pay for it, but wanted to eat them. The Oriental store did not carry all the meat, sauce and other items that it needed. Therefore, she created her recipes for Thai dishes. She had to be creative and learn how to use the oven, dishwasher and weird western kitchen gadgets. At least she could buy a rice cooker and a steamer. Rice was an integral part of every meal. She could not find a hot pot in stores, so she found one online.
Medical shock
The cost of healthcare and dentists in America was so expensive. She wanted to order birth control pills. She could not without a prescription. In Thailand, people can buy pills at a pharmacy without a prescription. She went to the dentist for an annual cleaning, and he scored twenty dollars. In Thailand, the cost would be two hundred baht, or six dollars.
She went to the clinic for an examination because of a bad cough. The nurse asked where you want to take the medicine?
She said: "Here in the hospital."
The nurse said they had no medicine.
What kind? This is a big hospital in the USA. Why don't you have medicine? In Thailand, people can take medicine at a hospital pharmacy, as a one-stop service.
Then the woman told her that she needed to choose a place for the pharmacy.
"Can I choose Walmart?"
A woman asked: "What Walmart?"
She said one that was close to the house of Walmart. She went to pick up the medicine at the Walmart Superstore supermarket, located near the Walmart home office.
Shocked again! At the pharmacy, people queued up to meet a pharmacist at the window, and there were many ways to find a cure. What strip did she have to stand in? Take a lane, drop out or behind the counter? What medicine will she get? She really needed medicine.
She stood in line and talked to a pharmacy employee and led them on her prescription paper. The man behind the counter said that her medicine was not here.
How could this happen? She took a deep breath.
The clerk told her that she needed to go to the Walmart Home Office pharmacy store.
Oh brother! Now she needs medicine. She did not know that there was a pharmacy and a pharmacy at the Walmart home office in the supermarket. So she bulldozed a car and used a GPS navigator. She came to the Walmart Home Office and finally got the medicine! Partying!
How to get a job
My wife wanted to bring food home and pay for the bills and make her proud of her. She had 15 years experience in marketing and public relations, but in America she had to start from the very beginning. Her English skills were not ideal, so many employers rejected her application. What work could she do in America? She was undergoing physical therapy, but we lived in a small town, and there were several discoveries. She thought about getting a degree, but the cost was too high. She already had a master's degree in psychology, but she was not recognized in the United States.
She has ever found work controlling people with disabilities. And she started a home business.
Stay calm
Therefore, for other people who are confronted with cultural shock, her advice, keep calm. You will win. She prayed to Buddha and meditated, listened to relaxing music, went to the gym, started playing tennis and making new friends. She was looking for Thai people in the community, took care of her garden and soon felt at home in America. She rebuilt the house and talked to her family in Thailand every week using Skype. I was a good listener and explained a lot to her. I liked her Thai dishes.
Therefore, keep a positive attitude, do not be afraid of culture shock. You will survive it and come out of a stronger and happier person.
